Posts Tagged ‘Carl Jung’

Thinking Listening Strengths

Friday, April 6th, 2012

?I can look at it clearly, without emotion.?

What I like about talking to Thinking types is that I know they can listen to me describe a painful occurrence without feeling the pain themselves.? I don?t want to cause other people pain, and sometimes, when I?m confiding to the Fs who are close to me, I realize it?s affecting them, and I end up trying to comfort them and telling them it?s not so bad.? With a T, I know I can describe exactly how bad I feel, because they won?t necessarily feel it with me.

?I don?t have empathy; I can?t feel what they?re feeling, but I can step back a bit and hear the logic of what they?re trying to get across,? says John, ENTP,? ?I can understand their argument.????????

The PEOPLE Process Type Wheel

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Also, when emotions are strong, Ts can remain untouched by them and continue thinking clearly.? I wish I had a Ts ability not to feel the pain or confusion of others, especially when it?s someone close to me, because then I wouldn?t be so anxious to make it go away.

?My husband, an INTJ, is able to remain calm when I?m upset, which is not my usual experience,? says Marthanne, ENFJ.? ?Usually, when I get upset, everyone around me gets twice as upset, which is quite annoying.? I remember the first Thanksgiving we spent together when we were dating.? I was cooking the turkey, and I had not allowed the right amount of time and I was supposed to take it from my house to his house.? I was all upset, but he didn?t get upset, or show impatience or condemnation for my being upset.? He just listened through the feeling somehow to what the problem and the solution were.?

?I can look at it clearly, without emotion,? says Pam, INTJ.? ?If you?re looking for someone to help you solve a problem, I?m a good one to talk to.?

Also, Ts are more able to keep in mind that even though someone is making a very good case that they have been wronged, there is probably another side to the story.

?I don?t let emotions get in the way and I try to stay fair,? says Jamie, ISTJ.? ?I?ve learned the hard way that there are two sides to everything, so even though their emotions are legitimate, I should not take sides based on hearing one person?s side of it.? I can listen and commiserate and say, ?Wow, that?s really rough on you,? instead of ?That?s totally unfair!??

Fs might try to be good listeners simply because people like good listeners.? But Ts usually need a different rationale.? They may decide to become good listeners because it makes them more effective in their work.? Good listening, for example, is important in the work of parenting.

?When I was raising children, I realized how important it was to be a good listener,? says Dee, ENTP.? ?I raised a 6-year old and 12-year-old from my husband?s first marriage, and the first year we lived together, I was amazed at how much they demanded my attention.? They really needed to talk, especially because their mom had been dying for years.? Kids have a way of focusing your attention.? They?ll tell you, ?Mom, you?re not listening,??

Good listening is also important in the workplace, and Ts often get their initial insights about the importance of listening from workplace training or experience.

?I worked on a project with two other people where we had to interview managers,? says John, ENTP.? ?We would get together after we?d interviewed a manager to discuss what we?d heard, but we?d spend the whole time arguing about what they had really said.? Finally, I started to take notes and write them up afterwards.? We were shocked to see that we do a lot of interpreting and extrapolating.? For example, a guy would say, ?We manage on performance,? and we thought he must mean he?s measuring the outcome of the training programs.? Then we?d find out he wasn?t measuring the outcomes.? ?Didn?t he say that??? someone would ask, but when we consulted the notes, we realized that he never said he was measuring performance.? After that insight, we became much more effective interviewers.? We could ask great follow-up questions because now we were listening to what people actually said.?

?Once we had a series of staff training on listening,? says Jamie, ISTJ.? ?We?d do an exercise where you listen, and then repeat it back to make sure you understood what they intended.? My first reaction was:? ?That?s positively silly; I know what they said.?? But when we did the exercise it was like, ?Oh my goodness, I didn?t really hear what they were saying at all.?? Just knowing that so much miscommunication is possible opened my mind to the thought that listening isn?t just hearing, there?s more to it.

?The other part of that training was that we should not just listen to words, but also to the feeling behind it.? For example, if they said, ?You never do your share of the laundry,? I would think we were talking about laundry, but what the person is really saying is ?I feel used.? We?re not honest partners.? I?m just here to do chores for you,? It is about being valued in the relationship, and that?s what really needs to be addressed.?

Resource:? The Type Reporter, No. 98

The Gift of Listening

Wednesday, February 22nd, 2012

Once, I made two lists.? On the first list, I put the names of the people in my life that I had largely positive feelings about.? On the second, I put the names of the people that I had reservations about, the relationships that I might label ?problematic.?? We called each other friends, but after I?d been with them, I didn?t feel enriched.??

The PEOPLE Process Type Wheel

When I looked at the difference between the two lists, one thing stood out.? The people on the first list were good listeners, and the people on the second were not.? The people on the first list always made me feel like a connection had been made between us, but the people on the second made me feel like a connection had been faked.? The people on the first list made me feel like I was accompanied on this journey of life, the people on the second made me feel like I was alone.

That?s when I realized how important it is to be a good listener to other people.? It?s not just a nice thing to do, or good manners.? Good listening has an existential importance.? It?s the only thing that helps us relieve the loneliness of the human condition.

For something that is so important, it?s amazing how little it?s talked about.? It?s rarely taught in our families, schools, workplaces or churches.? There isn?t even a cultural cliche about good listening, like:? ?A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.?

Most people who have become good listeners learned it in some kind of ?self-help? or psychological setting, and they were usually surprised to learn its importance.? It hasn?t spread to the overall culture.

It?s not even a skill of certain personality types.? Some people may appear to be good listeners because their type makes them less talkative or less opinionated or more sensitive to others, but they will admit that if you listen in on their thoughts, they are often not fully tuned into the other person.? To be genuinely paying attention to another person?that is a learned skill, and one that takes constant practice.? It?s not something we?re born with.

This is the first in a series.? In the following blog updates, we asked people of all the types, ?Who are the best and worst listeners in your life, and why??? From that we gleaned some good, practical dos and don?ts on listening.? In the next blog update, we?re going to look at how our type influences our listening.

You?ll probably find a lot of the people you know in these pages, including the person you thought you knew the best?yourself.? However, if you decide to begin asking yourself the question:? ?Am I really listening??? you?ll find that you didn?t really know yourself, or anyone else, before that.

(By Susan Scanlon, The TYPE Reporter, Issue Number 97)

Mistakes We Make When Teaching Type

Monday, February 13th, 2012

This article is not just for professional trainers of type.

Sure, there are lots of complaints that professionals are making mistakes, that they?re making statements about the theory that aren?t true, making statements about the types that put people on the defensive, not telling people enough to answer their questions or excite them about the power of the theory, or telling them so much they get lost in all the lingo and complications of it. But this article is not just for professional trainers of type. It?s for everyone who has more than a passing interest in type, and that includes you and me. Why? Because all learners of type naturally become teachersof type.???

The PEOPLE Process Assessment Wheel

You will want to know the types of the people in your life. They are the ones who will make the words come alive for you. I had read that SJs were organized, practical, and persistent. But those were just words to me until an SJ came to our business and improvements that had been talked about for years finally began to happen because he kept gently pushing and pushing them to completion.

I had read that NTs were global and critical, but those were just words to me until I had an NT edit my writing. He suggested many, many changes, but rather than hating it, I was delighted. Listening to him opened up my viewpoint miles wider, amd made my ideas much clearer.

I had read that SPs were physical and playful, but those were just words to me until my SP friend and I had spent many afternoons with our children, wandering along rivers and through woods, and I?d come home filled with light and air and the joy of having a body and living in the natural world.

I had read that NFs see the best in people and want to bring that out, but those were just words to me until one afternoon when I was confiding to an NF friend that I was worried about my son?s recent behavior. Somehow, by her questions and reminding me of things, the afternoon ended with me excited again about the great potential lying in that little boy.

The gifts of SJs, NTs, SPs, and NFs are no longer just words for me, they are sights and sounds and feelings. I have real examples of them in my life.

A second reason to know the types of the people in your life is so you can solve some of the problems you might be having with them. For example, I used to listen to my ISFJ sister complain about her life, and naturally, because I?m Intuitive, I?d suggest all kinds of ways that she could make ?a new life? for herself. But my suggestions involved radical changes in her situation, things she had no stomach for, so she always ended up having to come up with a million reasons why she couldn?t follow my advice. But ever since I?ve known her type, I?ve stopped doing that. Now I listen to her problems, and praise her for her loyalty and ability to endure difficult situations. Then she herself is able to think of small changes she could make to improve things.

I never would have had the opportunity to understand type in its living context, or to have it make such improvements in my relationships if I hadn?t taken the time and trouble to find out what type my family, friends, and colleagues were. I could not persuade all of them to go out and take workshops given by professionals, and with the majority of them, I could not guess their type without their input. If I wanted to know their types, I had to go through all the steps of ?training? them in it myself, and doing it in an informal setting.

But I taught the people in my world about type without any preparation, guidelines, or instruction on how to teach type. I had learned a lot about type, but nothing about how to teach it. And I think I made a lot of mistakes. I wish I had learned some basic guidelines for giving introductions to type, so I could have avoided some of the errors in the trial and error period.

Then recently, I heard a speech by Jean Kummerow, an ESTJ psychologist, management consultant, MBTI? trainer, and co-author of the book Lifetypes (1989 Warner). In that speech I felt I had found the ?basics.? It seems to me that if you follow Kummerow?s guidelines, you?ll give people the maximum opportunity to find themselves in their type at their first introduction to it, get excited about the information, and put it to good use in their lives.

A Checklist For Introducing Type

Let people do a ?Self-assessment? before getting their results from the MBTI?.

Describe the preferences in an accurate, positive and unbiased way, and remember to use qualifiers like ?most? and ?many.?

Give examples from the literature, your own life, and the world of the trainee.

Don?t read too much into MBTI? scores.

Make your goal simple: to teach the person the meaning of the eight preferences, and help them choose their type.

Provide follow-up reinforcement somehow, and give adequate handouts.

(The TYPE Reporter, Excerpt from Issue No. 38, written by Susan Scanlon.)

(Myers-Briggs Type Indicator is a trademark or registered trademark of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator Trust in the United States and other countries.)

Why Personality Type in Relationships?

Saturday, December 10th, 2011

The greatest overall benefit of knowing about psychological-type theory, is to be able to stand back and realize people do what they do because of their natural process. By knowing this, we can begin to eliminate our expectations on another person?s behavior.??

This alone solves a myriad of interaction problems.

Once you understand your type and your partner?s type, it?s time to see how you and your partner mesh. The first step toward creating a satisfying relationship is to understand ourselves. The next is to be more aware of the ways we naturally and automatically, interact with our partners. Then, we can learn how to make some minor adjustments in our styles to be more accommodating and appreciative of each other.

DO OPPOSITES REALLY ATTRACT?

Many couples ? about 35% have only two type preferences in common. About 25% have one preference in common, 20 % have three and only 10% are either different on all four or alike on all four dimensions. Just because you and your partner may be very different doesn?t mean you can?t have a satisfying relationship. You may simply have to work harder to achieve understanding and satisfaction.

The greatest opportunities for personal growth come from loving someone who is quite different. On some level, we?re drawn to our partners precisely because of those differences. We see things in them we don?t have in ourselves. We are stimulated to try things we might not ordinarily try, encouraged to open up and share on a deeper level than before, or slow down and have more fun than we normally allow ourselves.

As Carl Jung wrote, ?The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances; if there is any reaction, both are transformed.? Indeed, Mr. Jung believed that through the marital and family unit, we could transform ourselves to a greater spiritual level.

Bear in mind that no one combination is either perfect or automatically doomed to failure. There are strengths within each type combination. While every couple faces challenges based in a great part on their type preferences, every relationship also is as unique as the two people in it.

AN ESTJ & ENFP PARENTING CHALLENGE

The three type dimensions that are most often the source of parenting disagreements are:

GATHERING INFORMATION ? Sensing or Intuition

MAKING DECISIONS ? Thinking or Feeling

TAKING ACTION ? Judging or Perceiving

Jake is an ESTJ and Maureen is an ENFP. As such they have different temperaments and values. Jake takes his job as father very seriously. He believes it?s his duty to raise responsible, polite, independent children. He?s the disciplinarian, establishing and enforcing the rules of the house with calm consistency. Jake?s kids will tell you that he?s strict and demanding but that he shows his devotion to his kids by being an enthusiastic coach and never misses a swim meet, dance recital, or school play. Maureen is more concerned about her children?s emotional well-being and self-esteem. She wants them to develop as unique individuals and strive to find personal meaning in their lives. She?s clearly the fun parent, the nurturer, who is less worried about bedtimes and rules and more concerned about helping the children articulate their feelings and grow into compassionate and tolerant adults. For the most part, Jake and Maureen complement each other well, but they also have their share of disagreements about everything from how hard to push the kids academically to whether to pay them for doing chores. This hurdle is not insurmountable, but it is a strain on their relationship; it gives them one more thing to disagree and argue about. Fortunately, knowing about their types ? and their children?s types ? has helped them figure out strategies to be more cohesive as a team and more sensitive and effective with their children.

S/N - Sensor or Intuitive - S———-X———-N

Tuesday, September 20th, 2011

How we take in Information

The second dimension of behavior in psychological type theory is how we prefer to take in Information - as a Sensor or an iNtuitive.? Since the letter I is used for Introvert, the letter N is used to represent iNtuition.

TPP Registry Logo 2Type Preferences

Each behavior is on a continuum with a preference for one or the other, the degree of which falling somewhere along the continuum. A person could be a ?strong? Sensor or Intuitive, meaning they would fall completely to the far left or right of the continuum, or a person could be more towards the middle, closer towards the fulcrum on the continuum. The research says that we are, however, one or the other, not both. Even though we use both preferences throughout our day in the Information dimension, we don?t use each preference with equal ease. Our inborn preference is our natural strength.

Sensors take in information through their five senses ? what they see, hear, touch, taste, or smell. Intuitives take in information through a ?sixth sense? ? not on what is, but what could be. Sensors prefer facts to support their decisions and live in the ?here and now.? Intuitives take in information by seeing the big picture, focusing on the relationships and connections between facts. They are especially attuned to seeing new possibilities. Sensors tend to think in a linear fashion, one thought following the next, and Intuitives frequently engage in leaps of thinking. Sensors are more down-to-earth and Intuitives are imaginative and creative. Sensors often demonstrate their creativity by finding a new application for something that has already been invented. This is because a Sensor tends to rely on his own or someone he trusts experience.

Sensors are terrific at being able to focus on the details. An example would be an airline pilot. There are a myriad of dials and information to keep track of in the cockpit of an Boeing 737, not to mention the actual landing and taking off ability. And, when it comes to an emergency, Sensors respond with the training they have experienced and solve the immediate problem. Sensors, with their natural abilities to focus on facts and the ?here and now?, make excellent pilots.

Intuitives are terrific at creating marketing direction because of their ability to look at patterns of information and determine a trend. In 1992, a book titled, ?The Popcorn Report?, authored by Faith Popcorn predicted the rise of ?Cocooning? (the stay-at-home syndrome), and the phenomenon of ?Cashing Out,? where men and women leave the corporate rate race. Faith also foresaw the demand for fresh foods, home delivery, and four-wheel drives, among many other predictions. Faith is an example of an Intuitive at work on a grand scale. With her unusual name and outspoken style, Faith Popcorn has become one of America?s most controversial and quoted market researchers. Her BrainReserve company has served a long list of major clients, including IBM, McDonald?s, American Express, Eastman Kodak, Coca-Cola, Chevrolet, Campbell Soup and so forth.

The gathering of Information dimension represents the greatest potential for differences between people, since it applies to our worldview. For instance, I am an Intuitive and a couple of years ago did some marketing for a civil engineering company. Most civil engineers prefer Sensing to take in information and when giving information relate it in terms of specific facts, numerical order and systemization. When the engineers I worked with gave me information for a project, my brain literally froze and I couldn?t think until I translated the information through my Intuitive frame of reference. I needed to know what we were trying to achieve and the purpose of the project. Once that was clear, I was able to understand what to do with the facts and what information the engineers needed from me. And, I?m sure that when I presented Information to the group of engineers I was working with, my tendency to describe the big picture without the facts leading up was just as confusing to them. Sensors see the individual trees and Intuitives see the forest. Sensors spend a lot of time describing detail and Intuitives can become impatient with this detail preferring the ?bottom line? approach to giving and receiving Information.

When Sensors and Intuitives recognize what each other needs in the Information cycle, they can be powerful allies. As members of a team, they can work together on projects creating both the long-term plan and handling the details with ease. When we work in a field that allows us to use our ?natural strengths? we can be stress-free. Intuitives are the creators of a new approach, and Sensors are the people who make the idea work.

Team composition of personality types is important and in general, diversity and balance in team member personality types is needed to produce successful team performance. A Sensing team leader may be more effective in keeping the team on task. Intra-team communication will be more natural for the Sensor than the Intuitive. Sensing types perceive the facts and can easily organize their thoughts for communication to the other team members. Intuitives are terrific at creating solutions to problems. The Intuitive?s natural ability at coming up with creative possibilities, future planning and marketing direction is a great strength for a team.

Entrepreneurs would benefit from understanding personality type and in particular the Information cycle. Entrepreneurs tend to be Intuitives and it?s very easy for them to see the positive end results of the company they are creating without establishing the necessary steps of getting there successfully. (Where are the sales, orders and the money?)

When you factor in a knowledge of personality type into your thinking and planning, it becomes clear that all of us need each other for the wealth of valuable contributions we offer in our business endeavors, family relationships and friendships. In fact, our differences just make us that much more valuable for the information, point of view, and experience we are able to provide one another.

There are four behavior dimensions in personality type: how our Energy is focused, how we gather Information, how we make Decisions, and how we take Action. Information is the second dimension and all four are equally important. Having knowledge and understanding of our preferences in each of the four dimensions of our associates and loved ones can profoundly affect the quality of our life and relationships.

Sensors represent approximately 65% and Intuitives about 35% of the American population.

HOW TO MEASURE THE MIX - Teambuilding 101

Wednesday, August 17th, 2011

Excerpts from The TYPE Reporter, Issue No. 4

The TYPE Reporter is a newsletter about your personality type, and how it influences you in all the stages of life.?You can subscribe on the website or by contacting Susan Scanlon, INFJ, Editor, 703-764-5370.)

HOW TO MEASURE THE MIX

by Susan Scanlon

I decided to do an issue on ?team building? because I?d heard that term used often among the people who take the MBTI? into the workplace. There?s no doubt about it, teamwork is a popular subject in organization development circles.

But teamwork was not an idea that excited me at first. In my fantasies, the individual does great things, not the group. I used to cheer on the heroes in the novels of Ayn Rand, who triumphed against that symbol of mediocrity ? the committee.

In the few experiences I?ve had working with groups, the argument and discussion went on and on, very little got done, and I was so busy agreeing or disagreeing with others that there was no chance for me to listen to what my own best thoughts were.

I?m an American and an Introvert, so it wasn?t going to be easy to convince me that I could produce a better product if I had ?a wide mix of people? messing around with it first.

But I?ve listened now to many team members and team consultants and I realize that they?re talking about a different kind of team than Ayn Rand?s or the groups I?ve worked with. They?re talking about a team that can enhance the effectiveness of the individual, that really does improve the final product, and is absolutely essential for success in this very complex and competitive world.

They never played down the difficulty of creating a team that is diverse yet able to work together well, but they made teamwork sound just as dramatic as tales of individual heroism, and worth the work.

From dozens of interviews, my team and I selected six team stories. These stories illustrated some of the more common problems a team might have, and how the MBTI? can help. We looked for messages in these stories, and from the messages we came up with six questions you might ask yourself about your own team?

?The Mix??????????????????????????????????????????????????? How To Make It? Work

?1. Does your team have a good mix of types? Fill in a type table with the types of our team members. Are all the eight preferences represented? Do you have at least one member who is an ST, SF, NT and NF?????????????????????2. If your team does not have a good mix of types, who?s missing?Don?t stop at saying you?re missing an ST. Make a list of all the kinds of input an ST might bring to your team. List the ?information? that is not available to the team.3. If your team does not have a good mix of types, what can you do to compensate for it? You can hire people in, you can seek outside opinions, or you can invent a team member and think for him ? ?Would an N be able to see the big picture in all of this?? ?Would an S be able to see a practical use for it?? ?What else would a P want to talk about before we make a decision?? ? 4. Does your team have a positive attitude toward differences? Very often, just the new perspective of the type theory is enough to smooth out a team?s problems considerably.????????5. Does everyone on your team contribute their preferences?Are all the Intuitives really sharing their Intuitive perceptions? Do the S?s feel free to express their doubts that something will work, or are they afraid of being called a ?stick in the mud?? If our team isn?t benefiting from all the viewpoints represented, they need to work on creating an atmosphere of trust and acceptance. Or they can try to deliberately draw out people?s preferences. (?I need to run this by you for your Sensing? says the manager.)6. Is your team leader open to the contribution of all the members? The team leader can have an enormous influence on whose opinion gets heard and whose opinion gets acted on. It?s important that the team have an impartial leader, or even better, one who knows the positive potential of each member and can draw the group?s attention to that.
???????????????????????? THE TYPE REPORTER TEAM DIAGNOSTIC

Why Personality Type in Relationships?

Monday, November 8th, 2010

The greatest overall benefit of knowing about psychological-type theory, is to be able to stand back and realize people do what they do because of their natural process. By knowing this, we can begin to eliminate our expectations on another person?s behavior. This alone, solves a myriad of interaction problems.?

Once you understand your type and your partner?s type, it?s time to see how you and your partner mesh. The first step toward creating a satisfying relationship is to understand ourselves. The next is to be more aware of the ways we naturally and automatically, interact with our partners. Then, we can learn how to make some minor adjustments in our styles to be more accommodating and appreciative of each other.

DO OPPOSITES REALLY ATTRACT?

Many couples ? about 35% have only two type preferences in common. About 25% have one preference in common, 20 % have three and only 10% are either different on all four or alike on all four dimensions. Just because you and your partner may be very different doesn?t mean you can?t have a satisfying relationship. You may simply have to work harder to achieve understanding and satisfaction.

The greatest opportunities for personal growth come from loving someone who is quite different. On some level, we?re drawn to our partners precisely because of those differences. We see things in them we don?t have in ourselves. We are stimulated to try things we might not ordinarily try, encouraged to open up and share on a deeper level than before, or slow down and have more fun than we normally allow ourselves.

As Carl Jung wrote, ?The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances; if there is any reaction, both are transformed.? Indeed, Mr. Jung believed that through the marital and family unit, we could transform ourselves to a greater spiritual level.

Bear in mind that no one combination is either perfect or automatically doomed to failure. There are strengths within each type combination. While every couple faces challenges based in a great part on their type preferences, every relationship also is as unique as the two people in it.

AN ESTJ & ENFP PARENTING CHALLENGE

The three type dimensions that are most often the source of parenting disagreements are:

GATHERING INFORMATION ? Sensing or Intuition

MAKING DECISIONS ? Thinking or Feeling

TAKING ACTION ? Judging or Perceiving

Jake is an ESTJ and Maureen is an ENFP. As such they have different temperaments and values. Jake takes his job as father very seriously. He believes it?s his duty to raise responsible, polite, independent children. He?s the disciplinarian, establishing and enforcing the rules of the house with calm consistency. Jake?s kids will tell you that he?s strict and demanding but that he shows his devotion to his kids by being an enthusiastic coach and never misses a swim meet, dance recital, or school play. Maureen is more concerned about her children?s emotional well-being and self-esteem. She wants them to develop as unique individuals and strive to find personal meaning in their lives. She?s clearly the fun parent, the nurturer, who is less worried about bedtimes and rules and more concerned about helping the children articulate their feelings and grow into compassionate and tolerant adults. For the most part, Jake and Maureen complement each other well, but they also have their share of disagreements about everything from how hard to push the kids academically to whether to pay them for doing chores. This hurdle is not insurmountable, but it is a strain on their relationship; it gives them one more thing to disagree and argue about. Fortunately, knowing about their types ? and their children?s types ? has helped them figure out strategies to be more cohesive as a team and more sensitive and effective with their children.

How does type influence our listening?

Wednesday, October 27th, 2010

In the last blog update, 16 people were asked the question, ?Who is the best listener in your life??? and 14 of them mentioned an Introvert.? Do Introverts really have a natural advantage over Extraverts when it comes to listening??

According to the type theory, Introverts have two good reasons to listen more than talk.? First of all, they have a lower need to talk because they process their thoughts internally.? They may want to share their completed thoughts with others, but that usually requires less time than thinking through something out loud.

Second, when Introverts talk, they?re using their Auxiliary function, which is not what they?re best at, so they don?t get the positive response that Extraverts do.? After awhile, they become less confident and more critical of themselves when they speak.? The role of listener becomes a better way for them to garner self-esteem.

Extraverts, on the other hand, have two good reasons to talk more than listen.? First, they need to process their thoughts out loud.? They often do their best thinking when they are talking, so they need to have several good listeners in their lives to allow them to reach clarity and understanding.

Second, Extraverts derive greater self-esteem from talking than Introverts.? Because they are Extraverts, they are showing their dominant function to the world, which is what they?re best at, whether it?s practical knowledge, possibilities, logic or caring.? When they finish speaking, they usually get a better response from others, and more of a sense of accomplishment in their speech.? It?s hard to give that up and switch over into listening.

However, just because Introverts tend to do more listening, they don?t necessarily listen well.? Although they may be silent when someone else is speaking, they may actually have a strong internal dialogue going, and may be listening more to themselves than the speaker.

Let?s face it.? It?s an effort for all of us to be good listeners.? Extraverts have to manage their external voice, and Introverts have to manage their internal voice.

In trying to become a good human being though, nothing makes a bigger difference than developing the ability to listen well.? No matter what else we do for other people, if we listen attentively and sypathetically to what they are saying, and let them know that they have been heard and understood, that will mean the most to them.